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..smile..
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July 8, 2009 @ 9:50 PM
my life journey... i.cried.today. at.my.workplace. in.the.toilet. i.cried.today. after.work. while.i.was.walking.to.the.bus.stop. i.cried.today. ridiculously. in.a.real.crowded.bus. i.cried.today. while.i.shower. maybe.i'm.turning.into.a.drama.queen.soon. i.don't.know.why.i'm.crying. for.no.reason. maybe.there's.something.wrong.with.my.brain. i.dread.the.morning.light. when.i.have.to.make.my.way.to.work. its.only.the.2nd.day.since.i.started.work. and.i'm.dreading.it.already. and.i.don't.even.know.why. i.had.the.urge.to.call.someone.up. someone.to.talk.to. but.i.don't.know.who.to.call. i.have.nobody.to.talk.to. to.vent.any.emotions. i've.always.felt.alone. alone.in.this.entire.world. where.people.don't.give.a.damn.about.anybody.except.themselves. but.today.i.felt.more.alone.than.ever. how.pathetic. i.don't.even.have.someone.whom.i.can.talk.to. i.tried.to.be.a.100/100.friend. but.i.guessed.i've.failed. and.i've.failed.terribly. so.horrible.that.it.felt.as.if.someone.has.written.a.sign. "you.are.a.failure!!!" and.shoved.it.in.my.face. i.feel.used.sometimes. like.people.are.just.pretending.to.be.nice.to.me.so.that.they.can.get.what.they.wanted. nobody's.being.truly.sincere.in.things.they.do.and.say.anymore. its.hard.to.find.sincerity.and.honesty. i.mean. who.ever.signs.off."yours.sincerely."sincerely??? its.just.there.but.it.means.nothing. just.something.nice. but.not.really.meant.from.the.bottom.of.the.heart. i.don't.hate.the.job. i.didnt.dislike.it.either. although.that.doesnt.mean.i.liked.it.or.loved.it. i.just.felt.alone. like.crap. in.fact.i.felt.like.crap.from.the.1st.day. i.don't.know. although.i.have.a.friend.with.me. but.when.your.friend.knows.everyone.and.you.don't. and.you.resort.to.following.her.everywhere.like.a.lost.little.puppy. it.just.worsen.the.entire.situation. and.maybe.she'd.get.irritated.by.me.being.too.sticky. and.when. the.job.scope.isnt.exactly.my.forte. things.just.collasped. i.felt.so.burdened.and.stressed.everytime.i.walked.into.the.place. plus. it.wasnt.really.amusing.when.everyone's.laughing.at.a.joke.that.doesnt.make.any.hell.of.a.sense.to.me. sometimes. i.felt.like.dropping.down.dead. all.of.a.sudden. just.to.see.if.anyone.cared. well. they.might.cry. but.as.time.passes.by. everyone.would.have.forgotten. going.on.with.their.lives.like.you'd.never.existed. and.there.you.will.be. just.a.pile.of.ashes.laying.somewhere. humans.are.forgetful. they.couldnt.remember.the.times.you've.been.good.to.them. but.they.remember.the.wrongs.you.did. thats.why. we.shouldnt.make.mistakes. but.humans.tend.to.err. lots.of.times. i.wanted.to.start.my.life.all.over.again. erase.memories.i.don't.ever.wanna.remember. and.erase.some.people.that.i.wouldnt.want.to.meet.again. but.i.guess.that's.never.possible. isnt.it. we're.never.satisfied. always.wanting.this.and.that. but.once.we're.satisfied. it.means.that.we.don't.have.desires.anymore. and.without.desires. we.wouldnt.be.holding.on.to.hope. when.hope.dies.out. we'll.follow. falter.and.die. ashes... |
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